I thought that when I have fallen in love, everything would be clear. I thought I would finally be able to say "ahh, so this is what it feels like." Now that I am in a relationship, I am not so sure anymore. The descriptions I get from all those romantic comedies' movies; the tingling feeling, the racing heartbeat, and all those other whimsical stuffs. Why do I not feel that way?
All I know is that I become restless when he texts me later than the usual. How mad I become when he does not text me at all and the fact that I can miss him so much to the point that it gets annoying. Not to mention, that the way he made me feel is just frustrating. Before, I didn't know that you can be happy and sad at the same time until I met him. There are times where I just want to cry my heart out but at the same time smile, and look at him straight in his eyes and whispers "I love you, I love you, I love you." I want to whisper because for once, I want to be selfish and keep him all to myself. The words I say to him, I don't want anyone else to know and the words he says to me, I want them to be for my ears and my ears only. The thought of him making another girl smile makes me cranky and I don't know what it is but I can feel my blood rush over to my head, making my face blushed with redness. I can feel the warmth of my blood and I can feel the tears pooling up in my eyes. Some of you may call it jealousy and maybe it is but I don't know. I'm not sure. Because with him, I am never sure. I don't know about our future; what could happen and what could not happen. I don't know. All I know is that for once, I am afraid. Afraid that I will become so fragile to the point of even the slightest brush on my skin will break me--if I lose him.
I'm no expert. So, tell me... Is this love?
“When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that’s when it’s real. That’s when it’s worth something.”
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