suddenly someone is no one

Maybe it's time for us to stop fooling ourselves. Time flies, people change. Maybe it's time for us to stop trying so hard to try and make this work. We're too different now. Our views in life have changed--and that's okay. People grow apart and sometimes it is for the better. So yeah, we should just stop pretending like we care for each other anymore and just let things go. Sometimes when things break, it is better for us to leave it in pieces and create something better.

keep running

I had that nightmare again. Somehow, it won't stop haunting me. I was there again. Back in high school. And I hated every single minute of it. Well, I wasn't exactly bullied, as a matter of fact, I had a lot of friends. So, the reason? Well for starters, I was never myself in high school. I spent most of my time pretending to be someone that I'm not--trying to fit in. I pretended to like something that I hate. I pretended to do stuffs that I was against with in the first place; just to be accepted. I was too absorbed with the fact that I had to fit in, I started losing myself. I started making up stories, creating up lies in order to make my life seem more interesting just so I won't feel so left out. 

So yeah, I struggled my way through high school. Plus, being the 'black sheep' in your family at the time does not help either. Always in your sister's shadow. Still trying to figure out what you're best at. And sadly, my discovery was not found in high school, which make things a lot tougher. Your parents shunning you away, you don't really know who your friends are and even  worse is when you don't even know who you are. Things got better for me though when I got into college. I am finally doing something that I love. I am not forced to do anything that I do not like. I go to classes because I want to and not because I am obliged to it and if I don't feel like going to class, I can just skip it. Life seems pretty well for a moment. 

I got the chance to start fresh. Be myself (whoever that may be) and just let the rest falls into place. So, the friends that I have right now are somewhat my true friends. True as in the fact that I am true to them, to myself. I did not fake anything about my life. I had my own stand and for once, and it is okay. I was not trying to please anyone. And that feels nice. But, here's the catch. All those time I have been feeling fine, it's because I have been running away. Running away from all the people I knew back in high school. The friends that I thought I knew. Truth to be told, I have never felt comfortable hanging out with them. I feel like I have to try so hard just to make myself feel belonged. 

I ran away from my previous life because that was easy. But it keeps haunting me and I don't know how to escape. I guess I am just waiting for the time where I just have to face it and stop running. You thought high school is over when you get out but the truth is once you get out, that is all you will ever talk about. Whether you love it or you hate it. Everyone have different experiences with high school. Mine sucked. Why? Simply because I was trying so hard to be like everyone else instead of creating my own identity. 

Now, who's to blame but myself? I wish I could say to myself back then "Don't try to grow up too fast and whoever you may be, just stay true to who you are."

suck it up

I'm done trying to figure things out. Some things just happened because it is supposed to happen. Some people walk their life way too easy though some of us might think that they don't deserve it but hey, enough with all the negative crap! I'm just a tiny human being with tiny little plans in this tiny little mind. Who am I to say what is right and what is wrong in His plan? I am just a tiny mortal, after all. 

when you try your best but you don't succeed.

Sometimes it gets harder by the minute. The more you try, the harder it gets. When you think you're doing good, life hits you with small pebbles. Nothing big, just the small little ones. When you are having your fun, you never know that someone out there is hurting because of you. People's heart; you can never be too sure of it. Someone could be hurting because of you, because of what you said or what you did. Intentionally or unintentionally. Whether you realised it or you don't. You'll feel guilty, you'll feel sorry but that's all you can do. To be forgiven is totally up to the other person. All you can do is just pray, have faith, and face up. 

easier said than done

You think no one understands you but little did you know, someone is always there looking out for you. Ready to embrace you if you would just close your eyes and put on some trust.