"I don't bother you--don't bother me."

Here I go. Writing what I should have written years ago. What I should have said to that someone (everyone) when they tell me what to wear, what to say, what to feel and when they tell me to be like them.

 

You see. You imitate. Then, you start to choose. You start to decide. What goes on and what goes in.

 

People are going to say what they are going to say. People are going to give out their opinions on you, on your life even when their opinions are not needed. Their intention might be as innocent as trying to help us from making mistakes but like it or not, we are going to make mistakes now and then; but isn't that how we learn? Mistakes are mistakes. Sometimes you can fix them but sometimes you just grow out of it and learn.

 

Besides, it's the choices we make that created us. Create who we are inside. It's the choices we make that distinguish us from other people. So, stop telling me that I should be more like you or that him should be more like her. Stop telling people who they should be like and just let them be them. As long as nobody is harming nobody then nobody should be in nobody's business.

 

In another unrelated but important note, if my clothes consist of only pastel colours and a dash of blue, just leave me be. I am perfectly content with my choice of clothes. Stop complaining and nagging about what I should wear and how I should act or say when I don't even bother to complain about your clothes or your attitude. I am perfectly happy with my choice. Be it with my clothes or my life--and I hope you're happy with yours.

The end.

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea on how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."-Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.

 

 

tea

If you're happy, you don't need to say that you're happy. If you're strong, you don't need to say that you're strong. It'll show in you. Just like how you believe in someone or something. You don't need to say it out loud, you just believe silently--in your heart. It's more believable that way, I supposed. Words can be convincing but words can create doubts too 'cause when you SPEAK, you give people the power to believe or doubt you but when you DO, people will see and they will believe. No room for doubts. And when you write--you give someone a piece of you. No matter what they'll think about it, you know better. No approval needed. As you have chose the words carefully and thoroughly, looking over it again and again. Making sure it's what you really want to say. Making sure what has been written

is what you feel and what you believe in. Making sure that everyone knows what's going on inside you. Action speaks louder and writing is a form of action. So, DO IT!

it's okay. repeat this 3 times.

There are times where I crave for affection and attention. Then I am scared that if I were to receive all these temporary love, my heart will go into the path where it should not go. Then, I'll be doomed forever. I guess i's okay for me to just live quietly, love silently. God knows best.

 

Cheers!

Listen, listen now to the words I am about to say. I am not the prettiest girl. I am not the bubbly one nor am I the smart one. I am not the kindest person, I am not the most loving one either. Every family has that one person who always locks herself in the bedroom, venting out in her blog. She has all these words and feelings purging from her like heavy rain pouring down after the clouds can't hold it much longer  but when the door is unlocked, she stays silent most of the time. No words came out from her. She kept it all inside. She just fade in to the backdrop. Well, in my family I happen to be that girl.

I'm the girl who sings her heart out in her bedroom, who possess different kinds of books on her shelves; just to keep her company. I'm the girl who has dozens of empty notebooks because she has so much to say but she can't seem to find the time to write it down or even when she did, she couldn't find the right words. So, her dozens of pretty notebooks stay empty. She wants to change that though and she's starting it now. So listen, listen close. Listen to the words I am about to say. I'm the girl who does not have everything in the world, who does not have guys drooling over her mesmerising beauty. I'm not that type of girl.

Standing at only 5 feet tall with a gap on my front teeth, pimples accessorising  my slightly dark skin, I know what I look like. So yes, I don't blame you for not giving me a second look. I am fine by it. So yes, I know. I know. I know I have my flaws. I know I am not perfect. I know I lead a mediocre life. I know. You don't have to compare me with anyone to make me feel bad because at times even when I'm alone, I feel sorry for myself. So, save yourself from all the troubles. You don't have to point out and highlight on the things that I don't have because I am perfectly content with what I have now. Unlike you, I don't depend my happiness on material things, things that will eventually leave me.

Having said that, I am not like you. I don't depend my happiness on anyone. 'Cause believe me when I say that people have their own lives. Everybody is making their marks in this world. They have to forget you once in while to live their lives so, I let them. I don't mind being alone now. I guess I think it's better for me to be alone because if something goes wrong in my life, I have no one to blame but myself. I'll suffer a little but I'll learn. Unlike you, I don't have anyone to bring me my cravings. I go get them myself because I don't want to depend on anyone to bring me the things I want. I want to get them myself. I guess I'm egoistic in that sense. But I think I prefer myself this way. 

So yes, I know me. I know myself. I know my flaws. You don't need to point them out for me. You can try to use it against me but know that it's not going to hurt me anymore 'cause I have come to accept my flaws; just as they are. While I have flaws, I have my strength too and I don't feel the need to tell you about it because I always believe that action speaks louder. So I'll just let them speak it for me. You may have a pretty face and all the attention from the world or you may have the brain and wise words to say but I don't mind. As long as I know how to love myself and make myself happy, I don't want to depend on you nor I want to let your attitudes or doings hurt me.

I'll just live my mediocre life and you can continue living your glorious life for all I care. So, cheers!

The Middle Sister

I am the middle sister. The one in between. Not oldest, not youngest, not boldest, not nicest. I am the shade of gray, the glass half empty or full, depending on your view. In my life, there has been little that I have done first or better than the one preceding or following me. Of all of us though, I am the only one who has been broken.

Just Listen by Sarah Dessen.