There's something fearful about people reading my thoughts. So, I tend to hide myself and try not to reveal myself too much. All my words are kept hidden in my mind or maybe after some time later, those words will be spilled out here--if they're lucky enough to escape. I don't know why but it's scary to me to let people know how I feel. Probably I am scared of what they're going to think. Yeah, I guess I am a coward. Simply because I don't want their perceptions of me to be tainted by their blind assumptions. It's a horrible way to live actually. Constantly worrying what other people think, trying your best every single time to please everyone yet at the end of the day, you still feel like crap anyways. As much as I have point it out to myself here, as much as I know I should try to love myself and all those craps; I am still the way I am. Standing still: Timid, insecure, afraid. Always afraid to say my feelings out in the open because I have so much of them and no one will be able to swallow or even stand to understand me. Always afraid to speak out my opinions or even to say my choices because somehow, someway, someone will always stick their tongue out and criticise me, my thoughts, my choices. So I wonder, what's the point of telling anymore? Which is why I am always silent. I just keep it all to myself. A sickly way to live but it's the only way I know how.
