silence

Sometimes you feel so low you just don't want to wake up. Sometimes you feel so tired you just want to shut your eyes and forget about everything. Sometimes you feel so gloomy, you just want to hide under your blankets just so you won't spread your gloominess to other people. Sometimes you just feel like you have too much of these negative vibes though you just want to be happy but you can't. You can't help yourself from having all these negative vibes. You hate yourself for it and you know those vibes you're showing off made people hate you; if not a lot, just a little. You thought by opening up to someone might make you feel better but the frown on your forehead remains frowning and the mess inside your head remains untangled. At this point of your life, you think that nothing is ever going to make you feel better. Nothing is going to change anything. Hopes, dreams and everything in between seem so little, so insignificant. You want to scream and shout and let it all out in the hopes that it will make you feel better but no. The more you talk about what's bothering you, the more you are reminded of it. The more you hear the words coming out from your mouth, the stronger it is embroidered in your mind, in your heart. No, no. In this case talking about it does not bring any good. In this case, let's just keep silent. Let silence fill the air and cleanse our heart and mind away from all the troubles that have been bothering us. Let silence drives away the people who want and should be driven away from our lives. Let silence do its magic. Stay still and let silence take control.

pent up

It's 2am. You needed someone to talk to but you don't know who to call. You don't know who'd care. You don't know whom you can trust. Should trust. You don't know, you don't know. Everything seems so blurry. Your mind is messed up, you can't think straight. Your heart is all mixed up, you don't know what to feel. All you want to do is curl your body, wrap yourself in a blanket, and just cry. When all tears are gone, again you'll feel like talking to someone. So you finally reach out and call that someone.

 

"Tomorrow."

"We'll see each other later."

Fine, fine. That's fine.

But let me ask you some things...

What if tomorrow never comes?

What if I say tomorrow is too late?

What if later is not what I want?

What if what I need is here and now instead of later?

My heart is not something that you can put on hold.

My heart beats.

It feels.

It screams.

It gets tired.

So I ask you again, what if tomorrow never comes?

What if I say tomorrow is too late?

What if later is not what I want?

What if what I need is here and now instead of later?

What if? What if?

Well, the point is...

I needed you but you weren't there.

I'm tired of reaching out.

I'm tired of screaming.

I am just tired.

Just tired.

 

 

"Don't promise me your tomorrows, it might not come. Save your laters for someone else because I do not want it."

I don't know

I don't know. Tell me something. Is it hard to see? Is it really hard to open your eyes and see? See that someone out there is crying? See that someone out there needs your help--desperately?

 

I don't know. Tell me something. Is it hard to accept? Is it really hard to open your heart and accept? Accept that someone out there may or may not like you? Accept that someone out there does not agree with you? Accept that actually, actually, the person to be blamed is you?

 

I don't know. Tell me something. Is it hard to listen? Is it really hard to lend your time and just listen? Listen to the loud, noisy screams. Listen to the quiet breeze brushing against your cheek. Listen to the silent scream of your heart.

 

I don't know. Tell me something. Is it really hard to see, to accept and to listen? Is it really hard to see the hidden tears? Is it really hard to accept the truth? Is it really hard to listen to the silent noise? Is it?

 

Well, let me tell you something...

 

No, it is not hard at all; if we just paid a little attention. Just a little.

 

But yeah, I don't know.

 

 

words, words, words

The lies will hurt yet the truth is not that comforting either. I thought I know a person only to find out that I actually know nothing--oh, what a fool you've made me. Words, words, words. How carelessly you spit them around. Speak of glories and flowers in my sight yet once I am out of sight, those glories turn into inconceivable lies and those flowers withered away; withered to nothing but dusts.

 

Words, words, words. How easily it was for you to spray it into lies; using it to put sweet scent on yourself.

 

Words, words, words. How easy it was for you to manipulate them; covering yourself with people's pity.

 

Words, words, words. How easy it was for you to use it against me; stringing me like one of your puppets.

 

Words, words, words. How easy it was for you to make up stories; moulding things to the exact shape you want it to be.

 

Words, words, words. How easy it was to make me see who you really are;

 

A liar.